Over the past few years, I have pondered what "home" means - what makes a place a home?  I suppose a home is a safe place where you are surrounded by people you love in a place that often has memories attached to it.  Sometimes, a home is wherever your family is, and sometimes it is wherever you lay your head to rest at night.  As I have moved around from high school to college to seminary, I have found that each new place becomes home in time. 

Although I am settled into my dorm room and feel that it is becoming my new home, I still feel lost.  This home is fine, but I don't have a more important home - a "spiritual home."  Over the past few days, I have reflected on what this type of home is for me and what importance that has in my life. 

I don't have a spiritual home like what I had last year at my teaching parish and in college.  The Wartburg chapel (WCC) and my teaching parish (HLC) have been home for me in a way that I had never had before.  My home congregation (TLC) didn't nourish my faith like WCC and HLC did. This year, I do not have an assigned congregation to attend but am encouraged to find a congregation.  Having visited the two local congregations, I don't feel that they will nourish me as WCC and HLC did.  WCC and HLC were that spiritual home for me during my life, but they cannot be my home now due to geographic and educational constraints. 

During my reflection on what a spiritual home is for me, I realized four reasons why WCC and HLC were home for me.  As I discovered the characteristics that make a church "home," I realized that I will still have all of these characteristics this year.  They just won't be in the same place.  In a church home, I need:

1) Silence.  I need quiet reflection and prayer time to find my God.  I need the space to worship as I need and ought, and silent meditation has become very important to me.  I loved Wartburg's Wednesday evening Eucharist form of praying - mostly silent with the option for vocal petitions.  Although I haven't found prayer like that in a communal setting outside of WCC, I have come to realize that I don't need any special circumstances to pray in silence.  Although praying at my bedside includes silence, I struggle to focus on God there.  This leads me to my second characteristic:

2) A large, simple cross.  The cross at WCC was a great center and focus for my prayer.  I could look out the windows of the cross to see God's creation, an example of how I see the whole world through the lens of the cross.  I also loved looking at this huge cross during prayer, a constant symbol of Jesus' death and resurrection.  Although the cross above the altar at HLC wasn't as grand or powerful, I still found that it was beautifully focusing for me.  Even in my private prayer life, I appreciate having a simple cross to focus my mind on God.

3) A loving congregation.  I really appreciate having a group of people who know, love, and support me just as I know, love, and support them.  When my life gets rough, I turn to these people for the care that I need.  Worshiping with a group of people that I know and trust makes the experience more meaningful, more personal, and more enriching.  I truly can praise God when I know that those around me feel the same way.  I loved that HLC's sanctuary was in a circular format so that worshipers can see each other while always focused on the cross and altar.  What a beautiful way to worship!

4) A caring and challenging pastor.  Pastors from WCC and HLC have loved and challenged me more than most pastors in my life.  They truly have become mentors for me.  During hard times in my life, I knew that I could go to them for support, but I also knew that I would grow because of our relationship.  They showed me the great importance of pastoral care, something that I take from our relationship into the rest of my life.  In general, I need someone who will help me grow into the pastor that I am becoming.


Although these are certainly not the only characteristics of a spiritual home, they are some of the most important for me.  A few times in my life, I have experienced all four of these at one place.  I had a sanctuary that fed my spirit while being surrounded by people who cared for me.  This year, I will not have all four of these in one place.  It was this initial fear of not having a spiritual home that instigated this reflection.  Yet my outcome was the realization that I have all four of these characteristics - they just won't be in one place. 

(1) I can find silence anywhere that I intentionally create and nurture.  (2) I can paint a cross for my bedroom so that I don't have to rely on a sanctuary for focused prayer.  (3) LTSG certainly is a loving and supportive group of people, full of those who will provide mutual ministry.   (4) And last, the pastor from HLC agreed to still be my pastor even though I am no longer her student. 

So, I may not have a sanctuary that I can call "home," but I still can find a spiritual home wherever and whenever I need it.  God is always present and is not trapped inside a box - or a sanctuary in this case.

The following is a song that I rewrote last weekend in preparation for my last week of CPE.  I rewrote "One Day More" from Les Mis to be "One Week More."  Enjoy!

SS - Supervisor
One week more!
Another week, another destiny.
This never-ending road to Calvary;
These people seem to know my strife
Will surely live a second life.
One week more!

ME
I did not live until today.
How can I live when we are parted?

SS
One week more.

STUDENTS
Tomorrow you'll be worlds away
And yet with you, my world has started!

STAFF CHAPLAINS
One more week not on my own.

STUDENTS
Will we ever meet again?

STAFF CHAPLAINS
One more week with them all caring.

STUDENTS
I was born to be with you.

STAFF CHAPLAINS
What a life we might have known.

STUDENTS
And I swear I will be true!

STAFF CHAPLAINS
But they always saw us there!

JC - VP of Mission & Spiritual Care
One more week before the storm!

ME
Do I follow where they go?

JC
At the passageway of freedom.

ME
Shall I join my sisters there?

JC
When our ranks begin to change

ME
Do I stay, or do I go?

JC
Will you take your place with me?

ALL
The time is now, the week is here

SS
One week more!

AS - Supervisor's supervisor
One more week to revolution,
We will nip it in the bud!
I will join these little interns,
They will wet themselves with blood!

SS
One week more!

PATIENTS
Watch 'em run amuck,
Catch 'em as they fall,
Never know your luck
When there's a free for all,
Here a little `dip'
There a little `touch'
Most of them are goners
So they won't miss much!

Students (2 Groups)
1: One week to a new beginning

2: Raise the cup of freedom high!

1: Every man will be a king

2: Every woman will be a queen

1: There's a new world for the loving

2: There's a new world to begin

ALL
Do you hear the people sing?

ME
My time is now, I leave with you!

SS
One week more!

STUDENTS
I did not live until today.

STAFF CHAPLAINS
One more week not on my own!

STUDENTS
How can we live when we are parted?

AS
I will join these people's heros
I will follow where they go
I will learn their little secrets,
I will know the things they know.

SS
One week more!

STUDENTS
Tomorrow you'll be worlds away

STAFF CHAPLAINS
What a life we might have known!

STUDENTS
And yet with you my world has started

AS
One more day to revolution
We will nip it in the bud
We'll be ready for these interns

PATIENTS
Watch 'em run amok
Catch 'em as they fall
Never know your luck
When there's a free-for-all!


SS
Next week we will be far away,
Next week will bring the judgement day

ALL
Next week we'll discover
What our God in Heaven has in store!
One more dawn
One more week
One week more!

Below is the sermon that I preached today at my home congregation.  It was very well-received even though I wrote it yesterday afternoon!  CPE has drained me so much that I barely got it done in time for the 5:30 p.m. Saturday service.  Leading the entire service by myself was pretty awesome - I am on the right track!

    Grace and peace be unto you from God our Father and from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.
    A mustard seed.  A grain of wheat.  A palm tree.  A cedar tree.  What do these have in common?  Yes, these all are plants, but they also are all illustrations in the lessons for today.  The mustard seed and grain of wheat represent the kingdom of God, the palm tree represents the righteous, and the cedar tree represents the house of David.  Why the focus on trees?  Trees sprout from small seeds and yet become large and regal.  They defy the odds to reach towards the sky and often bear fruit.  They provide life to a variety of animals.  They can live for hundreds of years.  Among the scripture readings today, I find the lesson from the cedar tree most inspiring.
    We heard about the cedar tree in the book of Ezekiel.  The tree here is a metaphor for the Davidic ancestry line.  After Kings David and Solomon ruled over a united Israel, the nation split into two countries – Israel in the north and Judah in the south.  By Ezekiel's time, Israel has already been captured by the Assyrians, and Judah's future was also bleak.  The Babylonians have taken control of Judah and has moved many important people into exile in Babylon, including Ezekiel and the current king.  The remaining people in Judah are powerless against the Babylonians and fear their future.  God speaks through Ezekiel to these people and warns them that the Babylonians will destroy Jerusalem, their beloved city.  Even though they were taught that Jerusalem could never be destroyed, they couldn't be certain of this anymore.  Remembering their northern brothers being destroyed a hundred years earlier and seeing their leaders being taken away, the people of Judah could only cling to their city and their temple.  If those were destroyed as well, what would they have left?  
    The Judeans had a lot of questions, like “Why is our God letting this happen?  What will become of us if Jerusalem is destroyed?  How can we keep the faith under such stress?”  
    Although certainly not the same stressors, we also are in tough times.  Not only is the economy in a dire situation, but social upheaval about topics like abortion and homosexuality are also causing divisions among friends and enemies alike.  I see the nation's struggles most at the hospital where I am working this summer.  I see patients sent to the hospital because they are struggling so much with their job that they begin to have physical symptoms of their stress.  I see families debating how much treatment their children should receive because they can't afford everything.  I see staff working extra shifts to pay the bills.  Most heartbreaking of all, I see people's faith suffering because of financial and medical burdens.  Part of my job at Good Samaritan is to comfort these people, to give them hope that God is with them and that they will get better.  While there are many passages in scripture that give me hope in God's love and mercy, today's first lesson is a great example.  
    Our lesson today provides some hope for the Jews who are in such despair.  God speaks through Ezekiel that God will take a twig from the top of the cedar tree and will plant it in Israel on the top of a tall mountain.  The cedar will flourish and bear fruit, and all types of animals will thrive under its shelter.  This is a figurative way to say that God will restore the Davidic line to Israel.  The Lord will take a descendent of David and put him as King over the new Israel.  In fact, about sixty years after the first deportation to Babylon, the Judeans were restored to their beloved yet destroyed city of Jerusalem.  Although now under Persian rule, they were allowed to go back to their homeland, practice the Jewish faith and customs, and restore their city and temple.  God's word came true just as Ezekiel said it would.  
    Yet the message isn't over yet!  God promises to “bring low the high tree and make high the low tree.”  God will also “dry up the green tree and make the dry tree flourish.”  Specifically in this passage, this reversal language means that God will deliver Judah from her enemies.  Likewise, God will reinstate the Davidic descendants.  Indeed, this also proved to be true.  
    The earth is at God's will, and so are we.  God will raise us up against our enemies of sin, guilt, and shame.  This is similar to Jesus' statement that the last shall be first and the first shall be last.  Just as God promises the Judeans to raise them up again, so also God has promises for us.  God promises to be with us amid our suffering, to aid us in times of need, to love us unconditionally.  God promises, because of Jesus, to forgive our sins and to free us from harm.  Even when we are in social and economic distress, we can find hope in these promises and turn to God for love and support.
    I turn to God to find hope by looking at scripture.  I see all of the suffering that the Israelites endured throughout history as they tried to be faithful to God.  No matter how hard they tried, they could never get it right.  They often turned away from God and worshipped idols.  They practiced rituals without understanding their importance.  After sinning again and again, the people of God could not act as they ought.  Yet despite all of their faults, God continued to love and forgive the Israelites.  Indeed, God also loves and forgives us despite all of our sins, mistakes, and betrayals.  
    Within scripture, I find hope in the Psalms.  The Psalm for today is a good source of inspiration.  In Ezekiel, only the house of David is the cedar, but in Psalm 92, all the righteous are trees.  We, like palm trees, are planted here in God's house and flourish.  We grow in God's love and grace and bear fruit to share with others.  According to the psalm, even the elderly still produce fruits of the spirit!  No matter how old you are, you can always make a difference in this world by doing God's work.  Just as God loves and forgives us, we are called to love and forgive others.  Now, empowered with the Holy Spirit, graced with the love of God, and forgiven through Jesus Christ, share the Good News with others!  And if necessary, use words!  Amen.

Today was my last Sunday at my Teaching Parish.  Because I have grown to love those members so much, saying good bye was very hard.  I almost cried at many points during the day! 
I assisted in worship today for the last time, something that I will dearly miss.  During the sending hymn, I was wondering why the choir wasn't processing out like normal.  It turns out that they had something special planned for me.  Pastor took me to the altar where she presented a prayer shawl to me.  I kept it wrapped around me as the choir sang a blessing for me.  I took that time to look and smile at all of those faces that blessed me with their presence, love, and support throughout this school year.  As I caught the eyes of the choir members, they gave me special smiles.  I will always cherish those moments!!  After the service, I had the opportunity to be an exit greeter and said my final good byes to most of the congregation. 
During the Sunday School hour, I had lunch once more with many of the people that had taken me out to lunch over the year.  What a special time to share with such great people!  I also showed off my History of Christianity blanket and some of my other crafts.  I loved sharing my gifts with this congregation.
What a wonderful day.  I will miss Haven, but I also know that they will take another student under their wing next year.  All of this is just the flow of life and seminary.  At least I can still visit occasionally. 

Now I still have 6-9 pages to write for a take-home final and packing to do before I leave this Saturday.  Time to head to the library!

Julie Scheibel
Haven Lutheran Church
John 20:[11-18]19-31
4/19/09
    Before I start my formal sermon, I want to tell you a little about the format and style that I chose to use.  This sermon is written as a letter from Thomas to his twin following the format of letters in the first century.  Many scholars believe that this twin is intentionally unnamed so that the reader can become part of the story through the unnamed character's role.  Thus, although this letter is written to “Thomas' twin,” it really is written to you.
    Thomas, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God.
    To my beloved twin brother, a fellow follower of Christ.
    Grace to you and peace from God our Father and our Savior Jesus Christ.  I give thanks to God for the love and support that you have given me during my life and my ministry.  I hope that your newfound community of Christian believers fosters your faith.  
    I give all my gratitude to our Lord for my experiences over the past few weeks.  In response to your last letter, I hope to show you these events and their importance for you.
    As you know, Jesus was crucified on the day of preparation for Passover and lain in a tomb after he died.  We his disciples stuck together after his death although we thought our time as the “twelve” was over.  We were afraid that the Jewish authorities would kill us just as they killed Jesus.  Those authorities believed that we were a threat to their faith and their power just as Jesus was perceived to be a threat.  Thus, it was safer for us to remain together.  
    We were together three days after Jesus' crucifixion when Mary Magdalene came to us.  She had run all the way from the tomb to our place of residence.  Being overwhelmed by her experience and her journey, she could barely talk.  For some time, all she could do was repeat, “I have seen the Lord.”  After giving her some time to catch her breath, she told us everything that had happened.  She told us that she went to the tomb where she found the stone door rolled away and two angels inside.  The angels asked her why she was crying, and she told them that she didn't know what happened to Jesus' body.  She turned around to face the garden, and a gentleman asked her why she was weeping.  She boldly implored this man to tell her what he may have done to the body.  Then the man called her by name, and she immediately realized that this supposed gardener was really Jesus!  She exclaimed, “My teacher!”  This was a true claim to her faith that this man was Jesus – living, breathing, and in the flesh.
    In her excitement, she had embraced Jesus.  He firmly told her not to hang on to him apparently because he had “not yet ascended to the Father.”  Then Jesus commissioned her to come tell us the news.  He sent her with these words - “I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.”  After hearing this, she immediately left to come tell us the good news.
    What were we – Jesus' disciples – supposed to do with this information?  We wanted to believe that Jesus was raised, but we witnessed his painful trial, humiliating death, and burial in the tomb.  We saw his lifeless body mangled by the flogging.  We knew full well that Jesus died.  We thought that was the end of the story.  How could we have hope?  We trusted Mary Magdalene, but could word from one person be enough to persuade us to believe?  After all that we had seen, we needed more than just word of Jesus' resurrection – we needed proof.  Caught in disbelief, we could not take Mary's message to heart.  We continued to live in fear of the Jewish authorities.
    Later that day, I went out to buy us some food to sustain us for a few more days.  While I was out, apparently something important happened.  When I came back, my comrades acted quite unusually.  At once after they let me in, they shouted, “We have seen the Lord!”  Then they were all speaking at once so that I could not understand a single one of them! I could tell that their excitement was similar yet different from Mary's, yet I could not put my finger on what was unique about them.  Just like with Mary Magdalene, I waited until their fervor calmed down before I gleaned the story from them.  
    Finally, they told me what happened.  After I had gone to buy the necessary groceries, they had securely locked the door.  They certainly didn't wish for any unwanted visitors!  Apparently somehow Jesus appeared among them without disturbing the locked door.  He greeted them by saying, “Peace be with you.”  They marveled at him, almost not believing that he was really there.  Then they saw the wounds in his hands and the scars of the spear in his side.  Then they knew that they were really seeing Jesus in the flesh.  Yet this flesh must be different because he could walk through walls.  
    Jesus spoke again to my friends, commissioning them by saying, “Peace be with you.  As the Father has sent me, so I send you.”  My fellow disciples now understood what they were to do for the rest of their lives – share the good news of Jesus Christ!  They who once were disciples following Jesus were now sent out to be apostles, to give people hope in the new life found through Jesus Christ.  Then he breathed his breath on them, saying, “Receive the Holy Spirit.  Should you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven.  Should you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”  Now, they have the ability to choose what sins are forgiven and which are not!  Of course, only God can forgive sins, but my fellow disciples were given a very important role in this forgiveness.
    Soon after speaking these words and breathing on them, Jesus left.  Their sheer joy was what was still lingering after Jesus' departure, even as they relayed this event to me.  After hearing these words from my disciples, I was a bit dumbfounded.  I certainly wanted to believe, but even after hearing testimony from my closest peers and seeing them changed, I could not accept the fact that Jesus was raised.  I don't know if any number of testimonies could have helped me to believe.  I flat out told my friends that I would not believe unless I saw “the mark of the nails in his hands and thrust my finger in the mark of the nails and thrust my hand in his side.”  They were ashamed of my disbelief, yet they also remembered not believing Mary.  Even they did not believe until they saw the marks of the nails and the spear.  They thought that their multiple attestations would be enough for me, yet it wasn't.  I saw Jesus die.  The dead were supposed to remain dead!  
    I saw him alive, and I believed.  
    I saw him dead, and I believed.  
    I did not see him resurrected, so I did not believe.  
    My friends respected my disbelief even as they hoped for Jesus to return so that I could finally believe.  We disciples continued to live together in solidarity against the Jewish authorities and their abuse of power.  Our relationship was strained because I could not accept that Jesus was truly alive.  Thankfully, we only needed to wait a week before Jesus returned.  
    Of course we were together with the doors shut minding our business when the unbelievable happened – Jesus appeared among us!  I could barely believe what I was hearing when he said, “Peace be with you!”  Then he turned directly to me.  I felt a surge of mixed emotions – fear, terror, excitement, joy.  I could barely understand Jesus as he showed me his scars and told me to touch them.  He wanted me to throw off my disbelief so that I could believe.  I didn't have to touch his wounds to know that he truly was Jesus Christ raised from the dead!  I barely remember exclaiming, “My Lord and my God!”  Not only did I finally fully believe that Jesus was raised from death to new life, I finally believed how Jesus could be fully God and fully human.
    After backing off my rush of emotions of believing in Christ, Jesus said some words that cut deep.  Although they desperately hurt then, I hope they can give you hope now.  Jesus said to me, “Have you believed because you have seen me?  Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”  This statement revealed to me my folly in not believing in Christ's resurrection when I heard testimony from Mary Magdalene and my fellow disciples.  What a shame that I could not see my mistake until I saw Jesus!
    Now I have told you all these things so that you may believe.  I cannot record all of the signs that Jesus performed in my sight because they are too numerous to count.  I hope that my recounting of this appearance is enough to move you to believe.  I wish for you to believe without seeing Jesus in the flesh.  Because Jesus has already ascended to the Father, this letter and other testimonies must suffice until the last day.  Please learn from my mistakes!
    Through these things, I hope that you come to believe that Jesus is truly the living Messiah, the Son of God.  I hope that you believe that Jesus lived, died, and rose again for you to have new life through him.  On the last day, all who believe will be raised to eternal life in Christ.  This new life is only granted to you by the grace of God.
    May you find strength in your community of believers to uphold your faith despite trials and tribulations.  May your life revolve around the love that God gives you and the reciprocal love that you share with one another.  Pray steadfastly and continuously, and share your personal testimony just as I have done here.  
    I send my greetings to you through this letter, yet I wish you to share my greeting with the rest of your community.  The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you now and always.   Amen.

As I was driving to teaching parish early this morning, I realized that I hadn't seen or talked to a live person since I was at teaching parish for the Good Friday service.  I did video-chat with Brett yesterday, but I didn't talk to anybody in person.  I sort of held a vigil without realizing it.  I'm sure that if I had tried to be quiet and/or secluded all day I would have felt miserable, yet this felt very natural.  I stayed in my room and worked on homework, cleaned, and painted.  Holy Saturday can feel awkward because it is the only day during the Triduum that Christians traditionally don't hold a service, but it wasn't awkward for me.  I think that by not talking to anybody between Good Friday and Easter, I created a better continuum between the events.  God works in mysterious ways!
Christ is Risen!
Alleluia!!

Today, some female students and faculty discussed issues relating to women in ministry and focusing on single women.  What follows are some of my fruitful notes from our discussion concluding with a few recommended books.  Although nothing is terribly new information, the information is always good to hear.

-Money can be used as a weapon.
-Synods and congregations discuss first call wages - the pastor has little to do with this.
     -Congregations can "play" poor if they don't want to pay someone as much as he or she deserves.
     -There is not an easy way to make sure that men and women of equal status in ministry have equal pay.

- Issues of loneliness
     -Create and deepen circles of friends outside church
     -Create and maintain boundaries.
     -Single women get invited to ALL private family events because congregations think they have no social lives.
     -Teach about friendship to establish your expectations about relationships within the parish.
     -Don't be afraid of loneliness - it will happen, and it will be OK
           -Find meaningful things to do in times of solitude like prayer and gardening.

-The parish is not a substitute for your "life."
     -Take free time to travel.
     -Take the time and effort to form social groups.
     -Be clear about your office hours and stick to them.
     - Make sure everyone respects your time off.
     -Consider taking community college courses.

- Meet female clergy outside your denomination and learn from them.

-Rules of Dating as a Pastor
     -Members of your congregation will GOSSIP!!!  They will know everything about where you go and what you do.
     -Be aware of people pretending to be innocent but whose intentions may not be correct.
     -Stay in your church office for meetings/counseling and make sure someone else is present (Secretary in next office, etc.)
     -Be clear about your intentions NOT to date members of your parish.
     -Take precautions not out of fear but out of protecting your integrity.

-Try not to do home visits alone.
     - A great idea - pick up some homebound and take them with you to other home/hospital visits!  They love it!

-Be wary of the internet and what you put up there (especially Facebook and YouTube).

-The church is a very conservative institution whether you like it or not.

-Inhibitions deteriorate with age - elderly people may say or do things that they wouldn't have if they were ten years younger.

-Role of touch
     -Try putting your hand on someone's shoulder when giving them a handshake because that sets physical boundaries without seeming rude.
     -Touching can be proper in liturgical and social roles.
     -Look into counseling insurance.
     -Touching has become legalized because there are so many problems today.

-Many of these problems stem from power abuse and need for control.

-Check into policies for children's safety (I'm certified by "Safeguarding God's Children")
     -Check into Scouts and other programs that use your facilities.

-Some other non-legal but annoying issues often relating to double standards.
     -A female pastor is always expected to bring an item to a potluck but a man isn't.
     -Congregations and individuals have a different set of expectations depending upon the gender of the pastor.
     -Congregations assume that single women are always available.
     -A man can go to a women's Bible study but a woman can't go to a men's breakfast.
     -You can get pulled into wild rumors that can break your career.

-Ways to combat this
     -Use humor to jovially set boundaries.
     -The Qtip - Quit taking it personal!
     -Say this: "I release my need for approval"
     -Be as good of a theologian as you can be.

-Do single women in ministry grieve over milestones not crossed?  (i.e. wedding anniversaries or birthdays of children)
     -NO.  Don't regret what you don't have.
     -It is better to be lonely alone than lonely in marriage.

-Some possible venues for release
     -Retreat centers - some are free - check Catholic directories.
           -Some local options: Sisters of the Poor is an Anglican free retreat center that does daily orders.  They are VERY high church and use lots of masculine language.
               -http://communities.anglicancommunion.org/communities/detail.cfm?ID=3&types=bylocation
           -Erie retreat center by Joan Chidester has very inclusive language and is also free (I don't have enough info to find a website)
           -Holden Village -http://www.holdenvillage.org/
     -Every pastor should have a therapist and a spiritual director
          -Some local options: Ruth House 717-334-0875

-Some Recommended books:
     -Sex in the Parish - http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Parish-Karen-Lebacqz/dp/0664250874
     -Is Nothing Sacred? - http://www.amazon.com/Nothing-Sacred-Sexually-Congregation-Destroyed/dp/1556358628/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238723796&sr=1-1
     -Not Without A Struggle - http://www.amazon.com/Not-Without-Struggle-Leadership-Development/dp/0829810765/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238724091&sr=1-1

My Uncle Glenn passed away this morning after over a year's struggle with cancer.  Continued prayers for his wife, Laurie (my dad's baby sister) and their three children, Dan, Nick, and Mike, would be greatly appreciated. 

It looks like I'm doing CPE in Downers Grove, IL this summer. 

That means that I will have to live at home for the summer.  My mom, as wonderful as she is, has tended to drive me a bit nuts these past few summers, so I really didn't want to be home.  I wanted to be somewhere else where I could be more independent.  Oh well.  Mom is willing to talk about different styles of living together - maybe less mother-daughter and a more roommate-type relationship.

I am really excited for the site, though.  Over Christmas break, I met with the supervisor at Good Samaritan hospital, and she seemed like a really nice person.  We generally see eye to eye about what we would like to get out of CPE.  Yes, CPE will be intense, but No, CPE will not send me home crying every day.  The program is supposed to help me to learn how I work and not see if I am tough enough to handle anything and everything.  She tries to set up a good variety of students, so we can spend time inspiring and challenging each other. 

I am a little upset that I only got into one of the four CPE sites that I applied to, yet they all had decent reasons to deny me:
Iowa City cancelled their summer program.
Gettysburg had too many applicants.
Davenport had already made their selections by the time I applied (and I neglected to pay the application fee).

My family is really excited that they get an extra summer with me, and to some extent I am glad to go home too.  I miss the suburban lifestyle much more now than I ever did at Wartburg.  I find myself comparing life here to Chicago much more than I ever did at college.  I think that is because I am adapting to living on my own here and because Gettysburg is considerably further removed from the Midwest. 



I think Good Sams will be a good fit for me.

I have been at Gettysburg Sem since Wednesday, and I am in heaven! Greek is fun, my room is big enough for two people, and I have a ton of new friends! I was a bit nervous about the transition process, but I have acclimated quite well. We still need to figure out a system for making dinner, but I made friends with someone who loves to cook, so that is exciting. I haven't posted since I have been here because I am so busy that I haven't had a moment to write! I should probably go to bed now so I can be ready for worship tomorrow.

My Scholars senior defense is over. Thank goodness!
It was fine - went about as well as I had expected. I'm just glad that it is over! Now, I've completed pretty much everything that I need to graduate. Now I only have daily work and a group presentation.

Everything from this weekend that I heart:
-Spending my entire Saturday in the library (from 10:00 when they opened to 4:30).
-Being just about the only person in the library.
-Handwriting my paper in silence.
-Being able to use sources that are a few feet away.
-Having the 'Ditty open and using points freely.
-Being able to leave my stuff in the study room without worrying about theft.
-Walking around the third floor barefoot.
-Researching considerably more than expected of me.
-Writing an extra four pages of material for fun.
-Enjoying writing, typing, and revising my paper (more than usual).
-Listening to Centerstage while typing my paper.
-Listening to Phantom of the Opera while typing my paper.
-Using Hebrew in my paper.
-Citing the LOLcatbible in my paper.
-Completing a fourteen page paper in one weekend.
-Having way too much fun throughout the entire process.

All in all, I heart being a nerd!

I just got back from my last Movie Knight. A few friends and I saw Iron Man. This is an excellent movie. Not only did it have a sarcastic lead, it also had flashy violence without blood and a message about the war. It even had a romance plot line, although that was very minimal. I won't say more because I don't want to spoil anything.

I only wish that this could have been a Tribal movie knight so that we could go on a walk and debrief. I only went on one of those, but it was amazing. There are some powerful messages in the movie that I would love to discuss if anybody so desires.

I should probably go to sleep now, but I am wide awake. Thank goodness I don't have class tomorrow.

Do you have any tips for me for my entrance interview on Saturday morning? I should be fine, but considering my last interview, I want to make sure this one runs much more smoothly.

Linda B. called and said that Cynthia Hileman will be on my Candidacy committee!! She is the assistant to the bishop who knows my family and is a member of my church. That's almost as good as hearing that Dr. B is on someone's committee.
Oh, and I talked Linda B into driving me. I'll have to waste some time when she's in another meeting, but that way I don't have to worry about driving downtown. I'll be nervous enough about the meeting. I certainly don't want to worry about driving and parking on top of that.
My interview is next Saturday. I'll let you know when I hear results!

I just turned in my capstone paper. 20 pages of theological analysis. Wow. I'm almost finished with my last real semester at Wartburg. I'm a little scared and a little excited. Now I just have to write a 6-8 pager before 7:45 tomorrow!

Edit: At 8:58 p.m., I had my beautiful 7 pager in hand! I have now completed all papers necessary for the end of the semester. I just have one test and two presentations left!

I'm sure you all remember the awkward Dr. K moment from last year. Well, working in the religion dept. is apparently dangerous because I had another one today.
I was innocently working on homework when she comes in and opens a package that was delivered today. In that box was one of those plastic air-filled bags used for packaging purposes. She turns to me, holding up the bag and says, "Do you want a breast implant? Well, it's only one." Then she holds it up to her chest.
You never know what will come out of these professors' mouths.

Yesterday, I had my psych interview, and it went really well! The report says that I will be fine in parish ministry, but I might be better fit as a college professor. Go figure.
Although it won't be in his official report, my interviewer thinks I should start some counseling. Apparently my stepmother has done more dammage to me than I give her credit for.
He also assured me that I will be fine going to seminary next year. While I may not need specific experiences in a parish like my Monday interviewer told me, I need to be more assertive and confident.
Another interesting fact: my results showed me that I am comfortable jumping into completely new circumstances (like going to a new city), but I am not comfortable jumping into a situation that I have heard about (like going to Chicago).
That's all for now. I'll be heading back to Iowa soon.

This morning, I had my initial interview. I met the pastor at her house. Because it was in the morning and raining, I figured it would take longer to get there. It didn't, and I got there fifteen minutes early. Oh well.
In general, the meeting went well, except that she thinks that I need to take a year off and not go to Gettysburg. At this point, I am not willing to do that. I do understand that I haven't spent much time out of my comfort zone, but that is what seminary is for, right?

I want today to end!
Last night, Shannon and I led a lock-in at a church an hour away. While the retreat was fine and the kids were great, I didn't have the patience for them. There were so few of them and one was on crutches, so half of my plans didn't work. Thank goodness Shannon had the patience and energy to deal with them.

We left the church at 9 this morning, getting back in enough time to drop our stuff at our rooms and head to church. Because I was unshowered, smelly, and wearing casual clothing, I planned to sit in the back and only make an appearance during communion. Instead, due to few people showing up, I had to read the gospel (I was asked to read it during the psalm), gather offering, and serve communion. So much for being inconspicuous.
After cleaning up, I had enough time to grab something quick to eat, shower, and be back in the chapel for rehearsal. The Chapel Choir concert was at 2. Despite all of our fears, the concert went really well. Now I wish that I had asked my family-of-family in town to come. Oh well.

After the concert, I finally took a nap. Although I had an alarm set, I did not hear it and slept through my meeting at 5. My other meeting tonight is cancelled. I wish I could crawl back into bed, but that probably isn't a good idea.

Maybe I should go eat some food...